That’s Entertainment

by Julia Parker, from the August 2005 Newsletter

My family is about to embark on a long plane ride. Make that a long, red-eye, plane ride preceded by the 1.5 hour drive to Spokane and followed by a 3-hour bus ride. So, the topic of entertaining children is high on my list. Two weeks ago we moved (within Moscow) and I found a deck of cards called “52 Things to Do in the Car.” Thank goodness!

My goal on this trip is to schlep a minimal amount of kid or parent stuff, and to help keep our daughter from going crazy sitting in the car, on the plane and in the bus. Here is a list of ideas both from the deck of cards and from me (mostly thanks to years of camp). By the way, did you know that I can identify a wide variety of cattle at 55 miles per hour thanks to my mother’s favorite car game “Name That Cow”? Well, well, look at that white-faced Hereford.

The first category is annoying songs (best done off the plane).

Wish Song
Sung to the tune of “If You’re Happy and You Know It”

O, I wish I were a little green pea (green pea)
O, I wish I were a little green pea (green pea)
I’d go skatey, skatey, skatey over everybody’s platey
O, I wish I were a little green pea (green pea!).

O, I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)
O, I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)
I’d go bitey, bitey, bitey over everybody’s hidey
O, I wish I were a little mosquito (mosquito)

O, I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
O, I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)
I’d go down with a slurp, and come up with a burp
O, I wish I were a little bottle of pop, (bottle of pop)

Well, you get the idea for that one – it’s easy to make up your own lyrics.

The Nursery Rhyme Song
You can sing this with almost any nursery rhyme. The only real rhythm it has is saying/singing the words really fast.

Baa, baa black sheep have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir I threw it out the window, the window, the second story window,
Yes sir, yes sir I threw it out the window.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary how does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockleshells, I throw them out the window, the window, the second story window,
With silver bells and cockleshells, I throw them out the window.

And, on and on and on.

Existential Jokes
Well, the cards didn’t call these existential; I think they called these Silly Riddles instead. Simone and I played it walking home yesterday and it has great potential. Now, remember, these aren’t really funny or sensible. They’re just silly. One person asks the abstract question, and another answers it.
Mom: Why do birds have wings?
Simone: Because they can’t have roller skates.
Ok, I do admit that my favorite “joke” at Simone’s age was “How do you know an elephant is in your bed? Because he has an E on his pajamas.”

The next category is games you can play without having people move away from you.

The Name Game
Write the letters in your child’s name (or your spouse’s if s/he is being unruly), have the child (spouse) search in the area you’re traveling through for each letter in his/her name. Cross off the letters as you find each one, or to make it harder, do them in order.

Bad Words
Select 3 to 5 words that no one can say during that day. These should be words that everyone is generally allowed to say. Not the ones Daddy says that I tell Simone mean “ouch” in another language. Every time someone in the family says one of the “bad words” then they have to perform a task, for example, massaging everyone’s back.

Happy, safe and sane travels to everyone who might be going on a family vacation this August. I hope you take time for plenty of silliness.

Julia Parker knows 42 other camp songs that play repeatedly in her head. Unfortunately, she only sings in front of people to whom she has given birth. So don’t ask.

Copyright: Copyright on articles and recipes are jointly held by the Moscow Food Co-op and the respective authors, except were otherwise noted.

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