Simplicity: Revising the Old "To Do" List

by Carol Price Spurling, from the February 2003 Newsletter

Simplicity. Say the word out loud in a mixed group at a party, and some folks will probably nod their heads earnestly. Oh yes, we've simplified. Others might look bored: are people still talking about that passé trend? Others (who probably don't belong to the Co-op) might look perplexed. Simplify? Since when is life simple?

My own introduction to the topic came in the mid-1990s, after college. First, I read the popular and accessible Simplify Your Life by Elaine St. James. I took some of her advice, much of which was easy to do since I never had much money. I stopped subscribing to magazines, stopped filling my house with high maintenance houseplants and other clutter, banned the words "I'm busy" from my vocabulary.

Then I tried to delve more deeply into the topic, reading "Voluntary Simplicity" by Duane Elgin. I vaguely recall getting about 3/4 of the way through and deciding to simplify my life by not trying to finish this important (but dense) book.

But I worked at it. In addition to doing all the typical "living lightly but richly" things, like recycling, cooking from scratch, joining the local co-op, and having a garden, I kept telling myself that one of the ultimate ways of keeping life simple was to not have children.

Children are messy in so many ways, I thought. My house and life would never be tidy again!

Still, it turned out to be a complication I could not resist. Now, I'm the mother of a two-year-old boy. And I've found that having a child makes it easier, not harder, to keep life simple.

For one thing, my house has never been cleaner. There's nothing like a little guy unafraid to eat dead box elder bugs or pine needles to motivate you to vacuum and straighten up more frequently.

Most importantly, my priorities are now crystal clear. And my needs are indeed few.

Posted on the refrigerator is a reminder list: "REED (and Walt and Carol) NEEDS: Good food. Good sleep. Free time to play. Outdoors time. Lots of books read to him. Kisses and hugs."

This reminds me of a "to do" list my husband Walt once saw in his housemate's bedroom, long ago: "Shop. Sleep. Sex."

Who needs a reminder list for things so basic? But then again, ask any parent. Are you getting enough sleep? (Not to mention the last item on that list.) Is your child getting enough free playtime? Maybe these are the things we should make lists of and forget the wall-size day planner with color-coded notes for every member of the family.

Now that I'm a parent free time is so precious and rare that when it happens, I know exactly what to do with it. I write. I read. I walk the dog.

No hassling my husband about whatever little thing he's done lately that drives me crazy. We have a child to rear, and he needs us to be good partners for each other. (This priority is still the easiest one for me to forget, as my husband can attest.)

No heart wrenching search for a qualified caretaker for Reed. We agreed unanimously to each work part-time so we can each spend as much time with him and each other as possible.

No agonizing over a hectic or less-than-hectic social life. Now I'm happy to have a cup of tea with a mother friend while our children play with blocks. A night out with my husband has become a romantic treat.

No navel gazing about my mission in life. Right now, it's to be a better partner to my husband and a good mother to my son.

I have other goals, it is true. I want my own bookstore. I want to write a book. I want to get my doctorate. I want to live in Paris. I want to run a bed and breakfast. I want to be able to afford comprehensive health insurance.

Women have been told for so long that we can do everything we want. I am learning, along with lots of other mothers, that we can do it all, just not all at the same time.

So, I'll work on these other goals slowly, at a pace I can sustain, while savoring every moment of joy during my son's brief childhood.

Reed went down a hill on a sled by himself for the first time at New Year's, his face lit with glee. So, this month we're planning to go sledding in the park as often as we can. A cup of hot chocolate afterwards sounds good, too.

Carol Price Spurling grew up in Iowa, earned a M.A. in Literature from the University of Montana in 1992, and after living in Alaska for five years, moved to the Palouse in the fall of 2001. She works part-time at Brused Books and lives in Moscow with her family.

Copyright: Copyright on articles and recipes are jointly held by the Moscow Food Co-op and the respective authors, except were otherwise noted.

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